Friday 26 December 2014

Ramblings (in parts)

“There is no separate entity ‘you’”

What a simple sentence, but until you actually SEE it, you do not realize what that seeing through this illusion, this belief in this separate ‘you’, means for, well, your entire world.

We are conditioned from an early age to believe in ourselves. Society, family, religion, the mind, it all works together to create layers and layers of beliefs and conditioning. So much so that the very idea of questioning this core belief that we might not actually be an entity is unthinkable. We strive, trying to make ourselves more successful, better, richer, more knowledgeable, happier than others, sure in our knowledge that once we achieve whatever our goals are set on at that moment, we will be happy.

And yet, even after all that striving, most of us are not happy or at peace, going from place to place and from distraction to distraction in search of that ‘something’ that will bring that elusive contentment to us, not realizing that all it does is bring us a very temporary joy. When we achieve the goals we set out for ourselves, we are happy for a short time, and then the yearning for more starts again. Some of us become ‘seekers’, ending up with religious or spiritual teachers who are either in it for the money or fame, or with those who think they have ‘got it’ but in actuality they have only achieved levels of knowledge or amassed spiritual experiences.  Many take their students or followers on wild goose chases, knowingly and many-a-times, unknowingly. After all, they think they’ve reached the highest levels of enlightenment, and so lead their students down the same paths of reading, praying, hours of meditation, chanting, self-deprivation and the like, having them believe that ‘it’ can only be achieved through long striving and, unfortunately, creating layers of further conditioning. Long and arduous paths are created along with high expectations of ecstasy, bliss and miracles, amongst others.

Reality is far, far simpler. It is the simplest thing, the only thing. And it cannot be achieved or received through knowledge, it can only be realized.

Once we actually start to question if ‘we’ actually exist as separate entities, honestly, bravely and with focus, the entire structure starts to crumble like a house of cards. We realize how everything, everything that we believed to be true, actually isn’t. We have literally created ourselves, and hence, our worlds.

Simply put, life is simply happening. Not to anyone, by anyone or for anyone. It simply is - whole, undivided and all-encompassing.
When this is realized, actually SEEN, life takes on a completely different flavor. Nothing changes: problems remain, the ups and downs of life come and go - and yet, everything changes forever.

Monday 5 May 2014

Nothing more

So often I find there is nothing to say. Nothing more than what is happening, nothing more than what is being experienced… After all, what else could it be? What could I possibly say?

After a few years of the so-called ‘passing through the gate’, there appears to be no compulsion to engage in thoughts and drama. No need, but it still happens sometimes. Life is amusing, like a game. Sure, the character that is being played reacts, feels and engages. Or it doesn’t. Simply life in its flow.

In any case, there is peace.

Sunday 20 October 2013

Just putting a few thoughts down... It's so interesting, the way the end of seeking and unraveling of stories goes. It is a surrender in the deepest sense of the word, when 'you' stop looking for answers and let yourself relax into life.

Life continues to happen, and every now and then, something arises which hooks you. The same conditioned emotions/responses come up, but are mostly seen for what they are. Fascinating. Unless it is a deeper, more insidious thought, and without realizing, you get sucked in, and hold on tight.  And then, finally, even that is seen for what it is and it unravels as well.

So it goes on, I guess, until you are left with nothing.

Saturday 6 April 2013

Being different in a conformist society

What is it like, to be ‘different’ in a society that expects you to be the same, to conform to certain ideals, behaviors, cultural norms, religious beliefs, etc, when everything in yourself is telling you that it all, everything, is not real? What do you do? 

This is the question that I was living for the past couple of years.  I didn’t write in my blog, being too busy to do so,  just living in a way that didn’t conflict with myself or my society

At first, the zeal to tell everyone about what I had realized, and the way it had changed my life, my very being, was strong. I tried different things. Writing a little in this blog I started. Talking to a few people I knew were interested in spirituality, awakening, whatever you want to call it. But no one wanted to hear. I was getting caught into arguing my viewpoint. Telling people that so much of what they were doing didn’t really matter as the self isn’t real. It was a joke that no one got. Later, I would go over my conversations and think how I myself was doing nothing except getting caught in the web of ‘self-based’ thinking and behavior. Of course, conditioning of 40+ years is very strong. It’s not like my thinking patterns were going to disappear overnight. Hence the discussions, the arguing, the getting worked up, wanting other people to be like me, and getting frustrated when they just wouldn’t listen

Slowly, I realized that my behavior patterns and the predictable thinking process was loosening, and giving way to a more relaxed way of thinking and life. A lot of this was due to just observing my thoughts, reactions and behavior, and realizing the 'hooks', the things I was getting stuck on. Slowly and quickly, so much dropped away, and the process is still happening. 

I realized that people will only be willing to consider the possibility of losing everything that they have ever believed in when THEY are ready, not when I want them to be.  That day might not even come for a lot of people. Religion and culture are very strong forces in most people’s lives here, and it is not something they are willing to let go of and look beyond. But it is fine if they are okay with their lives, if this is the way they want to live and I am okay with that now. Hurting people by saying things that they are not ready to hear is not the answer. Helping and guiding them when they are, is.

But it still leaves the question of me. What do I do? How do I live my life here? If I was not married, didn’t have kids, a family, an extended family set up in which I live, probably I would be living very differently. But as it is, I’m not willing to give up what I have. My husband and most of my family have no interest in this (but I have to say that they have been more understanding than a lot of people). I have learnt that it is possible to live life ‘on the edge’, balanced between the two ‘worlds’. Doing some ‘expected’ behavior, speaking the truth, but in the language that is heard and understood. Doing things which might seem hypocritical to those that really know me, but which are necessary at the time. It is okay to do that. Maybe hard to understand for those that do not have those limitations, but it is alright to play with life. That is the beauty of it. What helps a lot is having people like my best friend and my LU friends to talk things with. For that I am forever grateful.

Managing to stay true within these parameters, letting life flow, being moved to do things that are needed, with no expectations of what the results will be, having no expectations of how people should behave whilst knowing they will all behave differently, this is beautifully freeing and magical. There is so much appreciation for everyone, for the beauty of people and the beautiful, varied ways they live their lives That is a miracle right before our eyes. 

I love you, however you are. 

Wednesday 18 April 2012

Gateless Gatecrashers

A great new book about ordinary people guided by Ilona and Elena to see through the illusion of self. It can be a wonderful tool for examining your own beliefs and concepts. Have a look!

To go to the Gateless Gatecrashers link, click here.

Wednesday 11 April 2012


Why don’t people want to wake up?

I am baffled after talking to various people. Most people seem to want to not suffer, be content and at peace. They might even be seeking enlightenment, nirvana, to wake up. But when presented with the possibility, there is huge resistance to LISTENING, to even considering the fact that there could be something as non-mystical and simple as seeing through the illusion of self (and the ensuing peeling of the layers of delusion) that can be the first big steps for this journey

Why? Why don’t we want to listen? Here are some thoughts I’ve put down.

  1. We are happy as we are. But there is always a striving for something more, which is contradictory to this claim. On the other hand, this striving is what keeps people going in the world of duality.If you're happy, great!
  2. We are secure in our ‘knowledge’ of how life is. The unknown is scary, even if the results are guaranteed to bring contentment. The continuing of a familiar, albeit suffering-filled life is the only acceptable option. People like the familiar, the known, the safe.
  3. The conditioning goes so deep that the very thought of someone challenging the belief system is impossible and to be rejected.
  4. We feel we will be lost without the framework of a given ‘law’, or guidelines on how to behave, what to do, etc.
  5. We believe that this ‘version’ of awakening has to be false, it is something only our religious teachers or spiritual gurus can lead us to, after years of praying, practice and striving. How can it be so simple? Therefore it can’t work.
  6. With the seeing through of maya, comes the dropping of identifications. What then of us as the victims, the worriers, the achievers, the seekers, the good wives, the excellent mothers? And so on. Who are we without our images of ourselves?
  7. The seeking will stop. But the seeking is what keeps us going. It is like an identity, like so many others.
  8. It cannot be something that us ordinary people can ‘achieve’. Only the pious and the saintly ‘super beings’ could possibly be spiritually enlightened.
  9. There has to be a willingness to be brutally honest, to be brave enough to face that life may not be what they thought it was.  Perhaps some of us are not ready for it. It is much easier to pretend to oneself that we are moving forward on the journey, when actually we are not going anywhere at all.
One can go on analyzing, wondering. But I guess what the whole thing boils down to is FEAR, fear of the unknown, fear of losing what we have, which might not be perfect, but it’s what we know.

If you are ready, let’s take a jump into the unknown. It really might be worth it!

Wednesday 14 March 2012

Nothing to say.

I do not know what to say.

It is strange. After the fire, after the spike in energy of the past months, there is a curious burning out, a quietness inside.

I really have nothing much to say. The people who are close to me, find me a little strange now, and I find myself not engaging much, not feeling a desire to interact like before. I am finding it difficult to engage in the usual talk, chit chat, work discussions, social talk. The things that seemed so important once, seem irrelevant now, and a little meaningless

Does that mean I am not content? No, not at all, kind of the opposite. I am so content, that I feel no desire to ‘do’ things to find happiness, or security or pleasure. I have reactions, I feel happy and sad and angry, but they doesn’t last long. Passes through quickly, and I am left with a near-constant peace/love/gratitude combo.

What does it mean? I have no idea, and no real desire to find out why either. Perhaps I should be looking, perhaps it is a place I am in danger of getting stuck in. I have read, of course, of the dangers of getting stuck in nothingness, in emptiness. But it does not feel empty at all. It feels alive and joyful, perfect as it is

I will write of any changes as they happen, as best as I can. But to be honest, words fail me these days.