I do not know what to say.
It is strange. After the fire, after the spike in energy of
the past months, there is a curious burning out, a quietness inside.
I really have nothing much to say. The people who are close
to me, find me a little strange now, and I find myself not engaging much, not feeling a
desire to interact like before. I am finding it difficult to engage in the
usual talk, chit chat, work discussions, social talk. The things that seemed so
important once, seem irrelevant now, and a little meaningless
Does that mean I am not content? No, not at all, kind of the
opposite. I am so content, that I feel no desire to ‘do’ things to find
happiness, or security or pleasure. I have reactions, I feel happy and sad and
angry, but they doesn’t last long. Passes through quickly, and I am left with a
near-constant peace/love/gratitude combo.
What does it mean? I have no idea, and no real desire to find out
why either. Perhaps I should be looking, perhaps it is a place I am in danger
of getting stuck in. I have read, of course, of the dangers of getting stuck in
nothingness, in emptiness. But it does not feel empty at all. It feels alive
and joyful, perfect as it is
I will write of any changes as they happen, as best as I
can. But to be honest, words fail me these days.
