I do not know what to say.
It is strange. After the fire, after the spike in energy of the past months, there is a curious burning out, a quietness inside.
I really have nothing much to say. The people who are close to me, find me a little strange now, and I find myself not engaging much, not feeling a desire to interact like before. I am finding it difficult to engage in the usual talk, chit chat, work discussions, social talk. The things that seemed so important once, seem irrelevant now, and a little meaningless
Does that mean I am not content? No, not at all, kind of the opposite. I am so content, that I feel no desire to ‘do’ things to find happiness, or security or pleasure. I have reactions, I feel happy and sad and angry, but they doesn’t last long. Passes through quickly, and I am left with a near-constant peace/love/gratitude combo.
What does it mean? I have no idea, and no real desire to find out why either. Perhaps I should be looking, perhaps it is a place I am in danger of getting stuck in. I have read, of course, of the dangers of getting stuck in nothingness, in emptiness. But it does not feel empty at all. It feels alive and joyful, perfect as it is
I will write of any changes as they happen, as best as I can. But to be honest, words fail me these days.